tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66966675504478988292024-02-21T01:24:40.484-08:00lindes of blogthe musings of David Lindeslindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.comBlogger64125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-11876257509379529462016-10-07T12:47:00.001-07:002016-10-07T12:47:18.935-07:00warning: lisp geekiness<em>Nothing too special here, and I'm sure this will <strong>only be of interest to</strong> a few random <strong>geeky people</strong>, who knows where. Maybe I should even put it on stackoverflow... but for now, I'm dumping it somewhere, so it doesn't get lost to time:</em><br />
<em><br /></em>
I was finding it a bit cumbersome to remove methods that I'd defined, which I wanted to remove because I wanted to change the argument count. I wanted something simple (even better would be introspection and removing everything, but I couldn't find a portable way to do that -- if anyone knows of any, please let me know!), and was happy to do a bit of legwork to get something that would then be simple to use. So, I came up with the following macro:<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: #eeeeee;">
<pre>(defmacro easy-remove-method (name &rest args)
`(let* ((modified-args (mapcar (lambda (x)
(if (symbolp x)
(find-class x)
`(eql ,x)))
',args))
(method (find-method ,name '() modified-args nil)))
(if method
(remove-method ,name method)
(format t "Failed to find method (~a () ~a)" ,name modified-args))))
</pre>
</div>
<br />
One could then call something like:<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: #eeeeee;">
<pre>(easy-remove-method #'foo 1 'baz)</pre>
</div>
<br />
which would be equivalent to:<br />
<br />
<div style="background-color: #eeeeee;">
<pre>(remove-method #'foo (find-method #'foo '() '(eql 1) (find-class 'baz)))</pre>
</div>
<br />
Since I was working on methods which had integer-based <code>eql</code> specifiers, this made things much handier. In principal, I think you could just as easily place any other arbitrary object there and, as long as you didn't quote it and thus make it a symbol, you'd get an eql specifier for it. With the quote, you get find-class on that symbol. Which is just what I wanted, so yay.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-75577383074186087002015-03-14T16:52:00.001-07:002015-03-14T16:52:16.934-07:00I've started SICP... again.Not much to say here, because I <a href="http://lindes-sicp.blogspot.com/2015/03/welcome-to-my-journey-through-sicp.html">say it over on</a> a <a href="http://lindes-sicp.blogspot.com/">new blog</a> I just started. I'm going through SICP... that is, the <a href="http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/">Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs</a>. Just thought I'd mention it here, in case anyone's following and might be interested in following that, too. Don't worry, I don't expect it to be terribly interesting to everyone. :)lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-43098205045317758042015-01-26T17:08:00.001-08:002015-01-26T17:08:35.207-08:00What does Freedom mean to you?There's a lot of lip-service given to Freedom in the United States. I was visiting with some friends in Berlin a few hours ago, and one of them (an American ex-pat) talked about there being much more freedom here. Like, that he could walk into somewhere, buy a bottle of beer, walk out, start drinking it on the sidewalk, and even then take it into the subway, and continue drinking. (I'll note that there are some signs about not drinking alcohol in the subways here, but I've never seen that rule enforced, and I've often seen people drinking a beer in the subway. And yet relatively rarely (though not never) have I seen the kind of drunkenness that seems to me so (comparatively) common in the United States.)<div><br></div><div>Now, is this an important freedom? As a non-drinker, myself, it's not one I happen to care all that much about, but I do think there may be something to it, somehow.</div><div><br></div><div>On the other hand, there's also the "freedom", I imagine some would see it as, for people to smoke in most bars here. A freedom that in many places in the states has been quenched, in favor of the freedom for others to be in a bar without experiencing second hand smoke. In this case, I'd quite definitely prefer the latter freedom, for myself. But maybe there's something to the former, as well, somehow? And even if not, who decides whose freedoms society will do more to protect, when freedoms come into conflict with each other? And how does the decision get made?</div><div><br></div><div>What freedoms are important to you?</div><div><br></div><div>No answers in this post. Only questions. It's just something my friend got me to pondering about. I'd enjoy hearing thoughts from anyone who may be reading this. Whenever that may be. Of course, you're free not to comment, too. :)</div>lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0Neukölln Neukölln52.487546 13.436743tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-47104928674336232022014-12-30T13:23:00.000-08:002014-12-30T13:23:00.220-08:00A confession to a future world...I've scheduled this post to go live almost exactly 1 year after the incident that I'm about to describe. It's quite likely that I'll have forgotten all about it by then, and especially that I made this post. Or who knows, maybe I'll remember and delete it. Maybe... well, all sorts of possibilities exist, including one that has a strange connection to what I'm about to say: Maybe, just maybe, I'll be dead. I'll get to why I say that in a few paragraphs; for now, the backstory of today (or a year ago, or longer, if you don't see this post right away):<br />
<br />
So, here's the thing. I've been going to the gym of late ("of late" being late 2013, this post being written on the penultimate day thereof), three days a week (Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays), with my friend and now housemate, Vern. Today, being a Monday, was one of the days we went. And today, I over-exerted myself. Today was an upper-body-workout day, which meant that I start by walking on the treadmill a bit, then did a variety of weight-lifting exercises on the various machines there, and then finished it off with a recumbent stationary bike. As per my normal, I pushed myself to increase either the weight or the reps (sometimes reducing the former, to get a greater increase in the latter) of each machine lift by a little bit... it varied, but somewhere on the order of a 20% increase in total weight-times-reps volume. Actually, I suppose it's a little more than that... my tracking app ("PumpNLog" - weird name, halfway decent app) says that I lifted 38,662 lbs in total (it's multiplying weight times reps, though with a caveat that I'm sort of making things up for the "weight" and "reps" of the walking and bike machines - also, I changed the way I logged the walking machine, so that says I did +75%, though really it was at most a modest increase in workout intensity, and maybe even a decline in it, from my last round.) My "workout density", according to the app (which I believe is weight*reps/minutes) was up 17.4%. Looking through, there are a couple of exercises that I really did do a lot more of - +46.7% on the "Row/Rear Deltoid", which I'd only done once before, and deliberately taken it easy on, plus I switched to 4 sets, 2 with each handle position, from my past version where I did 2 and 1... Back extension, which I've been finding to be fairly easy, was also a significant increase, up 60%, all in reps. Most of the others were up between 3.6% and 24%. Oh, and I skipped two exercises, which I'll get to in a moment. Without running the numbers carefully, I'd say the 17.4% increase is probably about reasonable, overall.<br />
<br />
Anyway, that's probably going way more into the numbers than I need to, even while it's less than I could. I mentioned that I skipped two exercises, though... One of the last machines I visit is the "assisted dip/chin" machine - a machine with a padded platform that you kneel on, which is tied to some weights to help you do "dips" (I guess that's what they're called - like dropping yourself between, and then pushing yourself back up, on parallel bars, kind of) and chin-ups (or something like them). These are not something I'm great at. I'm a big guy, weight somewhere in the near order of 400lbs, currently. I've been setting the assist at the maximum possible: 175lbs. I did the same today. In the past, the most I've done is 4 dips, and 2 chin-ups, even with the assist. And never more than a single set. Today, though, I was feeling worn out from what I'd already done (perhaps perversely, I have these as my next-to-last machine, before abdominal crunches, which I still did)... and I tried doing a dip, and basically couldn't lift myself back up with my arms, as is the goal. I just couldn't do it. So I put a leg down and lifted myself back up that way, and just skipped even trying to do the chin-ups.<br />
<br />
This was my first <i>major</i> sign of over-exertion, though I'd had some minor signs of more exhaustion than usual earlier on... but I was pushing myself, and I only got about 6 1/2 hours of sleep last night, which is not atypical, but is a bit less than I like to get. So I hadn't been thinking too much of the earlier signs, and really, didn't even make too much of this new bigger sign. These had always been hard, and I just didn't really care that much.<br />
<br />
Anyway, so, I then went on to do my crunches (with weight added on a machine, though it's also on an incline, so maybe that balances out?), which went OK - I did increase reps, without increasing weight, and I did push myself kind of hard on that front, but it didn't seem a big deal. And <i>then</i>, came the recumbent. Normally this borders on a relaxation thing - I get my heart-rate up, sure, but it feels sort of free and easy, I just have to stick with it for a few minutes.<br />
<br />
So, here's the thing with that. The machine has sensors in some handles, at one's side. You grab the handles, and it measures your heart rate. So the way I've been doing things is by setting a time, and a target heart rate. It then adjusts the resistance to try to get my to my target heart rate, apparently aiming for getting me there about 4 minutes in or so - or at least that's been about how long it's usually taken.<br />
<br />
So, in the past, I've set my target heart rate to 130. By the time the machine has a read, I'm usually already up to about 115, having been on the bike for maybe 30 seconds, and having just come from all those other exercises, which, per an iphone-app-based measurement earlier today, was getting me to a reading of 104 during lifting anyway. (Well, and that app will enter in to some future revelation here... I'll get back to that.) And in the past, I've typically found myself aiming for a pedaling rate of about 75RPM. At this rate, I figure the machine is programmed to not give me much resistance, because I'm likely to hit my target without it. Well, today, I think partly because I was a bit more tired than usual, and partly because I had this theory that it was kind of annoying how little resistance there was, and I thought it might be nice to have more, I semi-deliberately kept my pace down to between 60 and 65 RPM. I also decided to try upping my target heart rate a little, and intended to set it to 135. Apparently I goofed, though, because the machine didn't tell me I'd reached it at 135, waiting instead until I got to 137. But before that, it was also giving me a lot more resistance than I've ever seen from this machine previously - presumably because my pedaling rate was down, <i>and</i> my target was higher, so it figured it better make me work.<br />
<br />
Well, this was much harder than in past times. How much of this was due to exhaustion and how much was due to added resistance, I can't quite say, but it got to where I was struggling a bit, maintaining the 60RPM pace. And then it didn't think I'd hit the target until 137... which of course is lower than what the machine wants to stick me with, according to the <a href="http://www.acsm.org/access-public-information/articles/2012/01/13/the-heart-rate-debate">ACSM guidelines</a> mentioned on the label of the machine - but of course, those are for an 85% target, which is recommended for experienced folks. I'm still quite new to this gym-going thing, and it was probably stupid of me to even go for 135 yet, let alone 137... or my actual peak of 140, which is fully 77% of my "maximum" heart rate for my age. Anyway, that's how high it got, at the peak. (It tries to adjust to keep you at your target, but it's not an immediate system, so peaks still exceed targets as a normal course of events, as far as I can tell.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, I was at that for 7 minutes, plus a 2-minute cool-down, during which I think I got my heart rate back down to about 125? Something like that. And then I tried to measure it with the iphone app. The way the app works is it turns on the "flash" LED next to the camera, and you're supposed to put your finger on the surface of the camera, and it uses the minor variations in the light shining through your finger to then measure your heartbeat. I've used the app several times previously, and it's always seemed to get a nice reading, latching on over the course of a few seconds, and then producing a nice <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sinus_rhythm">sinus rhythm</a> sort of graph (well, something that vaguely looks like one, anyway, to my untrained eye; though looking at the graph now on wikipedia, it's definitely simpler than that... hmm, it might even be closer to a sine wave, and it's not even that, really, but anyway, a wave, with a regular-looking frequency.)<br />
<br />
Well, this time, it couldn't get a lock. My muscles in my arms and hands were twitching a little, after the exertion, so I wasn't entirely surprised that it had some difficulty, but I did try to hold myself still for it, even holding my finger into place with my other hand - which I suppose could have messed things up, if I was pressing too hard? Anyway, it couldn't get a good reading, and was trying for a lot longer than usual. By the time it finally decided it was getting a reading, the reading it got was 86 BPM. But here's the thing... the graph wasn't at all regular. It was wavering about in a random-looking pattern... Perhaps I ought to upload a screen-shot, but I'm lazy, so, while I've captured a screenshot, I'm going to instead just point you at a graph that looks a <i>little bit</i> like it: <a href="http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=sin%28x%29*sin%281.7x%29+from+-10+to+10">sin(x)*sin(1.7)x</a>. Less regular, though, and... less periodic, even.<br />
<br />
Which is getting me close to the main point here: I wonder if I was having some sort of heart attack. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ventricular_fibrillation">Ventricular fibrillation</a>, perhaps? The graph looks <i>a little bit</i> like the one on that page, if you zoom in to just see a smaller amount of it. Or maybe some other sort of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrhythmia">arrhythmia</a>? I'm not a doctor, and my graph is not from an EKG, so I really don't know. What I do know is that the app had a hard time getting a reading, that the graph it finally got was quite different from how they normally look even within the same app, and... what happened next. I was on the edge of collapse. I think I almost passed out. I don't believe I <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syncope_(medicine)">lost</a> any significant amount of time, but it's hard to say for certain, and I certainly noticed that I was feeling faint, that my head lolled forward and to my left a bit, my eyes closed, and it felt very similar to the feeling of nodding off to sleep.<br />
<br />
And I wondered if I was having a heart attack.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to the confession: <i>I hoped that I was having a heart attack</i>. I've head other times, too, when I've felt like I might be having one - usually late at night, when I wake up from sleep... probably anxiety and/or indigestion related, really, but where things don't feel quite right. Anyway, this situation felt a bit differently, and certainly had a ready-at-hand explanation, heart attack or no, for some exhaustion. So it was different... And yet, it was the same: In each case, I've found myself <i>hoping</i> that this was it, that I was about to die.<br />
<br />
You see, I'm someone who has attempted suicide, several times. And they weren't just cries for help or whatever, they were genuine attempts at dying. In one case, after taking a month's supply (600mg) at once of Adderall, I definitely did pass out (on the crash end, though, so quite a few hours after the dose), and was down for... I don't remember how long, but many hours. I'd hoped then, too, as I was barely able to move, lying face down in my bed (which I'd somehow managed to get myself to, while I still could), that this would be it... that I wouldn't wake up from the drooling stupor that was encroaching. Alas, I did. And I didn't go to the hospital or anything, I just went on living, as one does, after failing at suicide for the... 5th or 6th time, was it, by then? Several of which had been in just the last few months.<br />
<br />
Well, that was almost 13 years ago, by now. So back to today. Still, I had that hope. The hope that this would be it. Because you see, even while I haven't been <i>especially</i> suicidal lately (note, though, that this is a subjective and relative measure - my "normal" <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicidal_ideation">suicidal ideation</a> rate is, I'm sure, "abnormally" high... I'd guesstimate that I've thought about wanting to die roughly 90% of the days I've been alive? Many many times, some days.) And I wasn't particularly feeling depressed or anything today. I certainly hadn't had any thoughts of deliberately over-excerting myself today for this purpose... though I have, previously in this gym-going regimen, pondered whether it might bring about a heart attack, given that I haven't consulted a doctor, or a trainer, or even the internet, on what sort of base to set for myself, to do this safely. So there arguably is a bit of subtle self-destructive intention to this. On the other hand, I also just like the feeling of post-workout soreness, and I like the idea of getting stronger and/or more fit. So, part of my motivation is benign and "normal", too.<br />
<br />
But here's the thing: I've had so much emotional pain in my life, over so many years, that when confronted with the prospect that I might be dying, and outside of something which threatens much in the way of <i>pain</i> (e.g. worrying about being in a car crash, say, like the other day when I was a passenger in a car where the driver was a bit... erm, how shall we put this kindly... erratic?), the types of thoughts that come to my mind are thoughts of hope for relief. That whatever bit of pain the experience I'm about to have might actually bring, relief from the long-standing (bordering on ever-present) emotional pain would be so huge as to have me barely caring. And yet, the idea of suicide, especially after a half dozen or so failed attempts in my life, has a dread of the added pain (physical and/or psychological) of another botched attempt - especially if it made things even worse, which... I think some of my past attempts may have actually done, in subtle ways. I think I may have less happy kidneys than I once did, and maybe my heart, too, and also my memory seems to be affected, though it's unclear to me whether that's from that overdose (or other asphyxial attempts), or whether it's a more direct effect of some of the anti-depressants I was on at the time of most of my attempts - anti-depressants which did horrible horrible things to me. (Don't try <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Akathisia">akathisia</a>, you're not gonna like it. With apologies to Queen for the on-topic change of lyric.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, I'm scared to try suicide again. I'm scared not of dying, but of <i>living</i>, especially with new problems that might be created by a failed attempt.<br />
<br />
But when I think I might be dying... well, that thought brings some comfort. And makes me wish it, devoutly, to be so. And yet, here I am, writing this up. To be posted a year later... if I leave it around that way.<br />
<br />
If I die of a heart attack during the night some night, or, more likely (or so it seems), during another of these gym workouts... and if these words end up somehow being some beyond-the-grave final words of mine... just know that it wasn't exactly suicide, but neither was it unwelcome. For in the moments of me thinking I might die - thinking that that moment might truly be it - I wish for it. And I fear not dying, but having someone call for help, and help coming, and being resuscitated.<br />
<br />
I really ought to look into a living will, and maybe a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Do_not_resuscitate">DNR</a> tattoo or something. (Or "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allow_natural_death">AND</a>"? That has the potential to look awfully benign... I wonder if medics would get it. I fear not.)<br />
<br />
Anyway, I've been wanting to put something out into the world about this for a while. I've always been hesitant, though, for fear of it looking like a cry for help. It is not. Help might be nice, and there are times that I make such cries, but this is different. This is just me sharing with the world some little something about my experience, in hopes that somehow, someone, somewhere, may either understand me better, or be able to point to my words, and have someone else understand them better.<br />
<br />
Do I want to die? Yes and no. Am I done putting good into the world? I often hope not. And yet, if I were, it would be such a relief of pain, that I would take it. I only hope that whatever good I've already put into the world (and I hope that's some, at least) will somehow amount to something, somehow, for someone. But it'll also be nice to (not be able to) know (or rather, it's nice in advance to imagine) no longer being a contributor to what I see as massive human overpopulation, among other problems I have with being alive, especially in the high-energy-consumption, high-food-intake, United States... where, while I'm better about the former than some, I still am making a significant negative impact on this planet.<br />
<br />
OK, that's all I've got for now. Maybe someone will read this someday. Maybe I'll be alive to regret having posted it. Or maybe I'll be glad I did. Or maybe these are my final words to the world. Just in case that last is the case... I send my love to those who surely know I still love(d) them, my regrets to those I've hurt in any way, and my wishes for a happier life for anyone left amongst the living.<br />
<br />
Fare thee well.<br />
<br />lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-52985134863290172492014-04-27T23:38:00.001-07:002014-04-27T23:39:49.335-07:00Contradiction... and resolutionLast weekend was the <a href="http://atheists.org/">American Atheists</a>'s <a href="http://atheists.org/convention2014">2014 national convention</a>. And it happened to be in Salt Lake City... where I happen to be living these days, so... even though I didn't really feel like I could afford the tickets (I suppose I could have tried harder, but I failed to find a <a href="http://www.alternet.org/belief/10-ways-make-sure-atheist-movement-not-just-wealthy?paging=off&current_page=1">sufficiently low-priced option (see point #4)</a> to actually attend), I went and hung out a bit: the "<a href="http://www.qriousapp.com/2011/03/16/try-the-hallway-track-at-your-next-conference/">hallway track</a>"take on things, plus a few things that were explicitly open to non-attendees (for which I'm thankful!): the exhibitors' displays, the book sale room (not that the books were free), and, importantly to this post, a screening (actually, several) of a new film from a guy named <a href="https://www.facebook.com/jeremiahcamara">Jeremiah Camara</a>, called <a href="http://www.contradictionthefilm.com/">Contradiction</a> (<a href="https://www.facebook.com/ContradictionTheMovie">also on facebook</a>). Here's a trailer for it:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/T30Ekq6bND4?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
So. Let me just say that I'm really glad I had a chance to see this film, and that I would encourage any and all who have the chance to see it. Let me talk a bit about why:<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>Perhaps most generally, it's a film that's taking a critical look at the effects of religion on society. I've come to an increasingly strong belief that organized religion in many (perhaps even all? certainly, to me, all Abrahamic) forms is deeply harmful to... "us", whether we think of "us" as our society at large, or individual humans, or... all species of life on this planet, even. That's a strong statement I'm making, and I don't think I have the energy to quite back it up here with my own words, so I hope you'll forgive me for a bit of hand-waving and just direct you to a <a href="http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2007/10/atheists-and-an.html">two</a> <a href="http://gretachristina.typepad.com/greta_christinas_weblog/2007/10/atheists-and--1.html">part</a> blog post (not to mention the subsequent <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GUI_ML1qkQE">talk</a> and book [<a href="http://www.powells.com/partner/30473/biblio/0985281529" rel="nofollow">Powell's</a>; <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Atheists-Angry-Things-That-Godless/dp/0985281529/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr" rel="nofollow">Amazon</a>]) from <a href="http://freethoughtblogs.com/greta/">Greta Christina</a> (who I was lucky enough to chat with a bit; she's awesome, by the way), which gets into some of it, and then things like Daniel Quinn's <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ishmael_(novel)">Ishmael</a> [<a href="http://www.powells.com/partner/30473/biblio/0553375407" rel="nofollow">Powell's</a>; <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ishmael-An-Adventure-Mind-Spirit/dp/0553375407/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr" rel="nofollow">Amazon</a>], which does a whole lot of deconstructing of things, that's been a significant influence on my thinking. Which goes beyond that, but anyway, the point is that this film is taking a critical look at the effects of religion, and I think that's a wonderful thing.</li>
<li>Further, it's particularly looking at the effects of religion on the (let's see, what's the PC word these days? well, I think the word our director used was) <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_people">black</a> community within the United States. My understanding is that this is a community which often goes <a href="http://religions.pewforum.org/reports">under-represented</a> within atheist circles (though there are <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/01/black-atheists_n_3691792.html">signs</a> <a href="http://www.aahumanism.net/">of</a> <a href="http://www.blackatheistsofamerica.org/">change</a> - a good thing, 'cause <a href="http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2013/10/black_atheists_advice_for_africanamerican_nonbelievers.html">it's apparently a pain to be a black atheist</a>). It's also, of course, a community which has faced all sorts of other difficulties. And the impression that I get from the film is that there's definitely some correlation between these points. And that... well...</li>
<li>There's an exploration in the film of the idea that Christianity, in particular, is something that may well be common within the black community because <a href="http://www.pbs.org/wnet/slavery/experience/religion/history2.html">slave-owners forced it on them</a>, with a twisted message of getting freedom in the afterlife thanks to a relationship with some so-called god, by being submissive to your master in this life. I think it's fucking atrocious that this happened, and just about as bad (though with less individual culpability) that the attitudes instilled in this way are lingering on, continuing the enslavement (of mind, if not body) of black Christians today. But then:</li>
<li>While this movie is nominally about the black community, and its religiosity, I think it has powerful things to say about the harm of religion in general. And yet:</li>
<li>It's been made in a way that's loving and respectful to believers, showing how easily they could be lured in to such beliefs - and yet also showing the dark side of those who may be profiting (or even profiteering) from their, err, propheting, shall we say? Their ministry, anyway (in the sense of the action of ministering to someone).</li>
</ol>
<div>
So yeah. I think this is an important film, and that people need to see it. So if you have a chance to see it, do. If you have connections in the film biz and can help it get distribution, please have conversations. Or maybe go check out Jeremiah's other project, <a href="http://www.slavesermons.com/">The Slave Sermons</a>, and watch, like, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/camara714">subscribe</a>. And/or donate. Something. Just do what you can to help get this film seen. Because really, it needs to be seen. Help resolve the contradiction, by making people more aware of its existence.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Thanks for reading.</div>
lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-70010706394750164082013-07-02T11:02:00.001-07:002013-07-02T11:02:06.717-07:00Magnetic Personality...I put very little stock in the "fortunes" in so-called fortune cookies. They do, however, at times provide amusement... And at times provide interesting food go thought. So I like them, and I take them, when offered.<br />
<br />
One was offered to me today, in an indirect sort of way (a bin of them left out at a business I frequent), so I took one. It tells me:<br />
<br />
"You have a magnetic personality."<br />
<br />
It has a little picture of a rose, with leaves (seemingly still on the living plant) next to it.<br />
<br />
A magnetic personality, huh?<br />
<br />
So what happens if two people with magnetic personalities meet? I guess it would depend on which poles were facing which directions, wouldn't it? Maybe they'd attract, super strongly. Maybe they'd repel each other.<br />
<br />
Or maybe they'd start with the former, and then somehow a pole would flip, and they'd repel. Is that what it is? Is that how it works?<br />
<br />
Or maybe the metaphor is just bunk, since I'm not really so very magnetic as all that.<br />
<br />
Just random musings.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-71916905438243523762013-07-02T11:01:00.001-07:002013-07-02T11:01:59.447-07:00Palo Alto and Mountain View...Random Observation: CalTrain #324, an express train southbound from San Francisco to San Jose, was quite full when I boarded, at the Hillsdale station this morning (2013-06-19). In Palo Alto, I think more than half the train cleared out. In Mountain View, almost everyone else left. There are now two people, besides me, in the visible seating (about 5/12ths) of the car I'm in, whose only other stop is San Jose.<br />
<br />
From this, it seems to me, one of two things can be inferred - though it's possible it's a mix of these, and likely that I'm missing some possibilities:<br />
<br />
(1) Living in San Francisco is desirable enough to commute down to high-paying silicon valley jobs, and/or:<br />
<br />
(2) a bunch of people who work in Palo Alto can't afford to live in Palo Alto.<br />
<br />
Just randomly thought that was an interesting thought. I wonder what the reality is, behind why people were on that train. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-27004516002422351282013-06-26T10:00:00.001-07:002013-06-26T10:00:16.770-07:00An onymous rambling...I suppose the title carries a false construction. I care, but not enough to find a better title. Hopefully my meaning comes through: It's a named rambling... not anonymous, but onymous... were that a word.<br />
<br />
And what am I rambling about today? Well, I'll start with the idea of anonymity. I was thinking of starting an anonymous blog today... because I have some things to say that I'd prefer to keep anonymous. And yet, I figure the NSA would know quickly enough who was writing it. And google would, too. I'd have to go to great lengths to keep my writing truly anonymous. I might not even be able to at all. So why bother? Not to mention, it's been proven to me before that my way of writing is unique enough that people who know me can recognize me, just by my words. So even if I managed to allude any technical ways of uncovering my identity in the world of digital identity (writing things offline, uploading them on some library or Internet cafe computer or something), I'd still be identifiable. So what's the point?<br />
<br />
So I'm writing today under my usual identity, fully revealed, totally unconcealed. Will I write the same words this way? Probably not. But I don't know what I'm going to write, just yet, I'm simply writing. I probably will touch on at least some of it.<br />
<br />
For example, I think I'll go ahead and write publicly (for good or for ill) about a certain experience I have sometimes... one I had this morning, upon my first waking, though it's certainly not new. I sensed a bit of pain in my chest... high up, a little to the left. Was it my heart? Perhaps. Perhaps it was just gas (I certainly have some, sometimes... as those who have spent nights with me will know), though, pressing on a nerve that also serves that region. Or perhaps it was anxiety. Who knows? I don't. I do know that I specifically have not sought medical attention for it. I have, at times, checked my pulse, and it's seemed quite normal and calm in those moments. And it's not yet amounted to anything. And when I have gotten blood pressure taken, as a matter of course for other medical attention (regular check-ups, whatever), it's been quite normal. Not that there couldn't be some erratic condition, I suppose. But here's the thing: In these moments... and really, even as I write these words... I wish for there to be something wrong. I wish for my heart to fail. For I do not wish to live in this world anymore, and yet I do not wish to take my own life.<br />
<br />
There. I said it. "Out loud", for the world to be able to read. Will I regret it? Oh, who knows. I doubt that many will read this... and the few who do will probably already have known that, at least to some degree. Perhaps I'll get other readers, though, who simply know what it's like to want to die, yet want to avoid suicide.<br />
<br />
You see, suicide is an act that's seen by many as cowardly. Frankly, I disagree, and maybe I'll go into that at some point. For now, though, just knowing that that's how its seen is enough to "puzzle the will", as <a href="http://www.artofeurope.com/shakespeare/sha8.htm">Hamlet put it</a>. And not even because I care so very much about being deemed a coward. I am one, after all, to not face up to this opinion and do what I please. No, that's not it. Instead, it's that I fear that my departure would go mis-understood, and in doing so, lose some of my chance for having some useful impact on the world. Not to mention the shortening of my life, to use my own words. Which I guess is why I'm here. I do want to have some impact on the world, somehow... to show people that things could be better than they are, in myriad ways. More than myriad, for that's too countable a sum. And the population of humans, too uncountable.<br />
<br />
There are simply too many of us. We need to reduce our numbers. And by "need" I truly mean that it is a necessity - one that will be carried out for us, if we don't do it ourselves. And that's a great fear of mine... that we won't do enough to reduce our numbers ourselves, through conscious, intentioned act, and that it will then be done for us - by our own actions, but not our intent, per se. We'll create climatic disruptions, or other such things, that will disrupt our ability to feed the 7,039,670,585+ of us humans that <a href="http://galen.metapath.org/popclk.html">currently are estimated</a> to live on this earth. And then there'll be increased hunger. And increased hunger will increase anger, and thus fighting, and thus deaths... and thus decrease population. Probably, the way I figure it, by a lot.<br />
<br />
We could probably avoid the fighting, though, if we'd simply stop growing our population. For growth cannot go on forever. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqwd_u6HkMo">That hamster is impossible</a>, as hopefully a few of you already know. (And if you don't understand the math behind this, don't take it from me - take it from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=umFnrvcS6AQ">Al Bartlett, and his explanation of the exponential function</a>.)<br />
<br />
But I'm getting off topic, in a way. This is all relevant to my personal feelings about things, but it's only one factor, and my intention was to talk about me, here. Not that I'm trying to be a narcissist or something. Rather, that I believe expressions of personal experience are important, somehow. People resonate with personal stories... so I'll tell you a little of mine, to help you see the...<br />
<br />
Err, sorry. Massive interruption of my flow. More later. Maybe. Urgh, I was in such a good flow when I typed 90% of this yesterday... Now...... not so much. Sorry to be vague, but I'm just not prepared to type about the current situations.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-57551701853362016742013-04-11T09:10:00.002-07:002013-04-11T09:10:17.438-07:00Back in the U. S. of A.Well, it's been over a week now, I guess it's time to finally write about it. I'm back in Seattle. Not entirely by choice, and it certainly wasn't my plan, though there are also certainly good aspects to this.<br />
<br />
Hmm, is it story time? I was imagining writing out a long account of the story, and sharing it here. Part of me wonders how much of the story really ought to be told in public, though, so I'm feeling shy about it. Here's the short version, anyway, just so anyone following (do I have followers? I seem to get some page views... not sure where from, though) has some idea, at least.<br />
<br />
So, I was in Berlin. Feeling pretty happy there, though I was starting to get the travel bug again, off and on. Anyway, my application for an Artist Visa was denied. This was early March. I was told by the person I brought with me to the Ausländerbehörde (their immigration office) to help me translate, that I could submit some letters of support, and maybe it would get re-considered. The actual paperwork, though, only gave me an option for a flat-out appeal, in the courts. Well, the former seemed accessible, and I tried it... and was instructed that no, it had to go to the court. I wasn't feeling particularly prepared to engage at that level, so, I opted to follow the instructions and leave by April 2nd.<br />
<br />
So, I booked a flight to London, for March 31st. And I did my Abmeldung (de-registration of residence), and I took the papers to the passport control (where there was some misunderstanding, but that's for the detailed version, if/when I ever give it - I think it was basically OK... I <i>hope</i> it was basically OK), and all that, and got on a plane to the UK.<br />
<br />
On that plane, they gave me an immigration form, and then at Heathrow, I waited in the line, and then handed it over to the border control officer there.<br />
<br />
Well, apparently saying that my stay would be "3-6 months" on the little form was a bit... question-inducing, because she started asking me a bunch of questions. And ultimately, detained me (and my passport, separately).<br />
<br />
And there's a whole long story there, that I was thinking of sharing. Maybe I will sometime. Suffice it for the moment to say that it involved lots of waiting in a waiting room in the airport, lots of searches, of me (luckily, nothing too invasive, unless you count the fingerprinting as invasive) and my stuff (much more invasive, especially the part where they seemed to be reading through, and eventually took for a while, my private notebook), some paddy-wagon-like van rides, to and from a place called <a href="http://detentionaction.org.uk/aboutus/about-colnbrook-detention-centre">Colnbrook</a>, where I had a bed (luckily, in a room to myself) for a few hours (only about 5, only some of which were spent sleeping), and then was put on a flight back to somewhere I'd be guaranteed entry... the U.S. Specifically, Seattle.<br />
<br />
I was finally given my passport back only after I was on the ground at SeaTac airport. Luckily, I breezed right through the US border checkpoint in SeaTac. And now, here I am. Wondering what's next.<br />
<br />
Part of me wants to re-group in Seattle. Part of me wants to dump off a bunch of stuff, go lighter-weight on my travels, and just up and wander around the states for a while... maybe try to hit all 50 or something... hmm, a week in each state, for a year's activity? Just thought of that as I was typing... could be interesting.<br />
<br />
Part of me wants to fly off to Laos or the Dominican Republic or somewhere inexpensive.<br />
<br />
Part of me wants to... well, I'm going to leave that part out of the public record. I know for a fact (really, I have paperwork to prove it) that some things I say on the Internet can get seen later by decision-makers in various places (insurance companies, governments, what have you), and... somehow, that's part of what's making me shy to write freely. Which sucks. And maybe someday I'll say fuck it, and just write my experience. But...<br />
<br />
For now, I'll just let people know that I'm state-side again... with mixed feelings about it... and looking for places to stay, in Seattle or elsewhere... rent-free would be lovely, though not necessarily required. If you've got a place I could crash - for a day or a year, or anywhere in between, get in touch and let me know. Meanwhile, I'll be finding things, somewhere. And posting photos on <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lindes/">my flickr stream</a> now and again. From somewhere. Flickr even makes a <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/lindes/map/">map of my recent photos</a>, if you want more updates than are likely to happen here.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0Seattle, WA, USA47.6062095 -122.332070847.2636865 -122.9775178 47.9487325 -121.68662379999999tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-65966307189695324512012-10-19T05:36:00.000-07:002012-10-19T05:37:37.045-07:00Do we have free will?I find myself watching a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pCofmZlC72g">video of Sam Harris, talking about Free Will</a>. It's an interesting topic... and he basically makes the claim that "free will is illusory" - a statement I think I'm more-or-less prepared to accept. But along the way, he makes some statements that I'm really unsure about. Here's the video, in case you want to stop and see for yourself first (note: it's long - over an hour):<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/pCofmZlC72g?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<br />
I haven't (yet) read <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Free-Will-Sam-Harris/dp/1451683405/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr" rel="nofollow">his book</a> on the topic, so maybe he explains things more carefully there, but as presented in the video, I have some uncertainty about whether his logic is sound.<br />
<br />
For example, he says (a little over 31 minutes in):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The truth is we feel or presume an authorship over our own thoughts and actions that is illusory. If I could detect all of your conscious thoughts and intentions and subsequent behaviors with a brain scanner some moments before you were aware of them, you would be rightly shocked, because it would undermine your sense that you are the prime mover of your inner life. How can we be free, as conscious agents, if everything we consciously intend, was caused by events in our brain, which we did not intend, and over which we had no control. We can't. So what does this mean?</blockquote>
And in particular, let me pick a particular phrase which I take issue with: "over which we had no control". Here's the thing:<br />
<br />
To say that a conscious thought was caused by events in our brain, which we did not intend <i>is not the same</i> as saying we have no control. And I assert that we <i>may</i> have <i>some</i> control. In particular, it seems to me that if we have any choice at all (and perhaps he argues that we don't, but he does go on to say that choices do matter), then one choice we have is to use the principles (whether consciously or otherwise) of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reinforcement">reinforcement</a> to shape the unconscious inputs into our still-illusory notion of choice. In a sense, we can become our own causes for future choices. So while we may indeed not be able to fully control any individual choice, do we perhaps have a way to influence future choices? If so, then his statement that our choices are something "over which we [have] no control" is erroneous, even if his broader statement that our notion of choice is illusory.<br />
<br />
It surely warrants study... or perhaps the study has already been done, and I just need to read more. If nothing else, though, I humbly request that Mr. Harris make more acknowledgement of the distinction between the two arguments that our thoughts are controlled by prior causes, and that we have <i>no</i> control over them. Because these are, to my mind, different statements, and yet he seems to lump them together in one.<br />
<br />
Perhaps I'll have more to say as I finish the video, and/or get the book and read it.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-75070159803452642132012-09-01T02:59:00.003-07:002012-09-01T02:59:31.684-07:00Bible Problems, installment the first<h2>
Bible Problems: Wherein, the Bible is read; and wherein, problems I find with it are reported (and hopefully explained).</h2>
<h3>
What problems? Why?</h3>
Well, problems of conscience, mostly - I find many things in the bible that I deem to be <i>morally reprehensible</i> to teach someone - especially as being the word of a deity, or otherwise words to live by.<br />
<br />
Why? Why go through this exercise? Well, two main reasons:<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>because various people over the years have recommended (to me, or to a general audience) reading it, if only for the literary experience and the cultural references... or for the "good stories"; and</li>
<li>because any document that's read by so very many people, and preached from, and held up as being some glorious (even infallible) document... well... I figure it's useful to know what's in it.</li>
</ol>
<br />
So, I've actually tried a few times to read it in the past, and not gotten very far before I was so disgusted I couldn't continue. Now, I figure I'll try once more, but with the added intention of documenting the things I find in it that I find problematic in one way or another. Maybe, too, I'll get further through it, and have a broader base of knowledge about this cultural artifact. Or maybe I won't. Either way, I'll be sharing a bit of my experience with the world, in hopes that others find it useful to see my perspective on things.<br />
<br />
I thought about putting this on my other blog (<a href="http://betterlikebutter.blogspot.com/">What Could Be Better</a>), but I think it belongs here. It's a personal experience, a journey, and sure to be a bit fractured, as I respond to various things. Perhaps it'll end up generating some posts there over time, too, though. Or, perhaps I again won't get through Genesis, and the long-scope project that I imagine this to be will be cut short. Then again, I'll have a record of where I left off, in case I care to pick it back up some day.<br />
<br />
Anyway, shall we begin?<br />
<br />
Oh wait...<br />
<h3>
About my sources:</h3>
I suppose it's first and foremost important to declare my source, since there are so many versions of "the" bible out there. Through whatever set of influences (I honestly don't know), I've come to a general notion that the <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/versions/King-James-Version-KJV-Bible/">King James Version (KJV)</a> is... the best version??? Something. Anyway, at least it's one well-read version... or really, I suppose there are several versions of KJV even, so I suppose it's several well-read versions. Oy. But, according to the above-linked source, it's public domain (in the U.S., anyway - not that I'm in the U.S. right now), so... hoping there won't be any copyright problems or anything. Whatever my reasons, it's what I'm using, for better or worse. (If and when I compare notes with other versions, I'll talk about that... but probably I'll just stick to KJV.)<br />
<br />
Also, I want to point out that I'm not necessarily going to try to point out every possible flaw along the way - in fact, I'm going to do rather the opposite. I'm going to <i>attempt</i> to read this as just literature, and ignore the problems... and then only report the ones that are so grating to me as to seriously interrupt that flow.<br />
<br />
OK...<br />
<h3>
Now, truly, I'll begin:</h3>
The first problem I had that met this threshold was right there in Chapter 1 of Genesis - the first chapter of the first book. Verse 26 (so <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1:26&version=NIV" rel="nofollow">Genesis 1:26</a>) (paraphrasing to emphasize my objection; more on that later):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"God said... let ['man' - i.e. humans? or is it just men?] have dominion ... over all the earth"</blockquote>
Ugh. OK, granted, we've done a pretty good job of following this particular edict (though I consider it to be an edict from... well, let's just say a source other than a deity), which may in some ways actually blind us to the meaning of it - it's so present around us all the time, that we rarely notice that it's there. Like air - every once in a while, we rejoice in it, but mostly, we don't even notice. But I notice (less often than I could, I'm sure), and I see it as something <i>not</i> to rejoice about.<br />
<br />
To take <a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dominion">dominion</a> over something... well, one definition is "absolute ownership". Ownership? Really? We own the earth? We certainly pretend to - if only in (more or less) <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_estate">small chunks</a> at a time. But really? Absolute ownership over the whole earth? What does that even mean? Well, I suppose there are various <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ownership#Types_of_property">types of ownership</a>... among them, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ownership#Chattel_slavery">slavery</a>. So, the earth is our slave? Well, we certainly treat it that way sometimes - like it's there only for our benefit, and we can do whatever we want to it without any concern for the consequences. But since any one of us usually only "owns" (at most) a small piece of it, we end up with "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tragedy_of_the_commons">The Tragedy of the Commons</a>", wherein we <a href="http://www.storyofstuff.org/movies-all/story-of-stuff/">trash the planet</a>, to the detriment of all of us.<br />
<br />
Hmm, I genuinely wonder if my readers will be making the connections I'm making here (or at least following the ones I'm expressing). If you think you might not be, I encourage you to read a book called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ishmael_(novel)">Ishmael</a> (which can be found (insert shameless commercial plugging) at <a href="http://www.powells.com/partner/30473/biblio/0553375407" rel="nofollow">Powell's</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Ishmael-An-Adventure-Mind-Spirit/dp/0553375407/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr" rel="nofollow">Amazon</a>, and probably your favorite local book retailer or library (ok, there's a little shame in it, so I'm tempering it a bit)). I honestly found the writing style to be a bit annoying at times (in particular, I found the protagonist (well, one of two, I suppose, and I don't mean the eponymous one) to be a bit of a dolt – though, perhaps that's important to the storytelling, I don't know - I do imagine it to be intentional). But it's one of those books that's profoundly influenced the way I see certain things, and I really would like it if more people would read it (and/or its follow-ups, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Story_of_B">The Story of B</a> [<a href="http://www.powells.com/partner/30473/biblio/0553379011" rel="nofollow">Powell's</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Story-B-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379011/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr" rel="nofollow">Amazon</a>] and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Ishmael">My Ishmael</a> [<a href="http://www.powells.com/partner/30473/biblio/0553379658" rel="nofollow">Powell's</a>, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/My-Ishmael-Daniel-Quinn/dp/0553379658/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr" rel="nofollow">Amazon</a>]).<br />
<br />
At any rate, I think the idea that humans (and especially if you take it as only <i>men</i>) "own the earth" is <i><b>hugely</b> problematic</i>, and I think one major place that people in society get this idea is through the above and other similar passages from the bible. I'm sure I'll report on more of them, as I find them.<br />
<br />
Oh, hey, look... it didn't take very long. <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1:28&version=KJV" rel="nofollow">Two lines later</a> (so I guess it could be argued it's part of the same passage?), we have this (this time quoted fully - not so much to avoid <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fallacy_of_quoting_out_of_context">quoting out of context</a> (I believe that if I'm making any distortions, it's only a distortion of emphasis, not of intended meaning, and anyway I'm linking to context), but rather because I think pretty much the whole thing is worth exploring):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"And God blessed them [the humans], and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it: and have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."</blockquote>
OK, so, breaking it down, since there are so many problems here:<br />
<br />
<ol>
<li>"be fruitful and multiply" - Yes, this is <i>arguably</i> good for our species. Certainly, reproduction is a part of surviving as a species. Still, when said this way, it puts it into the form of an <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/False_dilemma">absolute, which it may not be</a>. There are times when some species <i>specifically <b>don't</b> multiply </i>(e.g. "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overpopulation_in_wild_animals">Some animal species seem to ... refrain from mating when they find themselves in a crowded environment</a>"), because, well, there's this concept called <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carrying_capacity">carrying capacity</a> which describes the limits that an environment (e.g. our earth) has to provide resources for a population. (Somewhat of an aside, but I personally expect that humans have far exceeded the long-term carrying capacity of our planet, and that we'll be experiencing a severe <a href="http://geography.geography-dictionary.org/Population_Crash">population crash</a>, likely within my lifetime. I'm looking forward to that... with dread.)</li>
<li>"replenish" - meaning what, exactly? What <i>re</i>plenishing is needed, here? Within the context of the story, these were the first humans, so do they mean to plenish? Or are the fruitful humans meant to replace stocks of other animals? Were other animals lacking?? The problem I have here, at its core, is the notion that I see as implicit in this that humans would become the main living thing on earth. Which... well, I refer you again to Ishmael, and shan't recount all the reasons why this is a problem here. Perhaps in some future post.</li>
<li>"subdue [the earth]"... Again with the dominance thing. Also, to subdue something is to be in combat with it. To be in combat with the thing upon which your very life depends strikes me as... well, shall I be polite and simply say a misguided choice?</li>
<li>"have dominion ... over every living thing". See the previous item. Ugh.</li>
</ol>
<div>
And I even skipped mention of the part about blessing, because, well... because until more of these other arguments are clear to my readers, it's too hard to explain why I have a problem with that.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
So, reading on...</div>
<div>
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<div>
Well, I have some problems with the "good" that this God fellow purports to see in all of this, having to do with a false dichotomy between good and evil that is another whole chapter to be written in this blog series (or go read about it in Ishmael). But I'm hungry, and I'm tired of writing, so I'm going to take a break and go get myself some food. Because, you know, "food is good". (Or rather, food is useful for countering hunger, and for providing energy to the brain, etc. Hmm, should I eat only <a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+1:29&version=KJV" rel="nofollow">herbs and fruits, as my meat</a>?)</div>
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More later, I hope.</div>
lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-7439231587788280532012-06-03T20:57:00.001-07:002012-06-03T20:57:27.294-07:00Hello out there...To anyone who sees this... And, importantly, to a lot of people who mostly probably won't: Hello!<br />
<br />
I'm thinking this morning of the many people who've touched my life in various ways... From the family I was born into, to some people I've recently started to think of as almost like family... From old friends to recent acquaintances... I've thought of a lot of you individually this morning. And I'm sure there are others that I'd be ashamed to have missed, if I tried to make a list.<br />
<br />
Well, and I did try to make a list, in a way... I was going to send out an email... Maybe I still will, later. For now, though, I've decided (for reasons I don't have adequate words to make clear, so I simply won't explain) to abandon that plan, and just write something here. Something... That feels a little hollow, I fear, in its absence of specific content.... But which I hope you'll believe is full with emotion and thought behind the scenes somewhere.<br />
<br />
So hello. Love and happiness to you all. Whether I spoke with you yesterday, or it's been years, or anywhere in between: You are missed.<br />
<br />
Be well. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-77328378805491131872012-03-04T23:47:00.001-08:002012-03-04T23:47:59.600-08:00The problem with science, sometimes...... Is that it (sometimes) throws out the baby with the bath water. So to speak. Like if someone claims that xyz practice is really great, because it helps clear your mind, teaches you to focus, and at advanced stages, you can fly... Well, sure, science is probably going to be able to fairly readily toss out the whole flying bit.<br />
<br />
It might even be able to show that the practice is no better at clearing someone's mind or teaching focus than some other generic goofy practice. And maybe it's not. But that's maybe because the other goofy practice and the one being investigated both have some real effect at play. And even if that effect is a placebo effect, well... Science shows that the placebo effect is real, right? So... What do these practices have in common, really? If we study it in detail, and find the common link, can someone who knows what the science says still get the benefit? Can one get benefit from placebo that one knows is placebo? If not, but not knowing allows real benefit, then it seems to me that someone somewhere in science needs to make some sort of allowance for some of this stuff. Somehow. Carefully. But how? And is this done today?<br />
<br />
Or, if we can benefit from known-placebos, then start handing them out.<br />
<br />
Or something. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-46161229038300586982012-02-24T02:08:00.001-08:002012-02-24T02:08:50.091-08:00Chessa and Alison, meet Laura.I don't expect most of my readers (do I have readers?) to have the slightest clue what this post title means. Maybe a few of you know me well enough to know the significance of those first two names in my life. Probably many who would bother to read this blog know the significance of the latter name. If not, that's easy to find. Well, today she gains a new significance. One importantly different, perhaps, from that of the former names... But that I expect to treat essentially the same.<br />
<br />
Sigh.<br />
<br />
So yeah, sorry, world, for the cryptic post. I just had to get that out. Somewhere. Somehow. And this was the best I could come up with. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-571456454144605152012-02-06T20:45:00.000-08:002012-02-06T20:45:47.342-08:00On the road (wait, no, rails) again...<br />
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Well, I finally got things going, and got out of Seattle once more. Not that don't love Seattle, mind you, but, you know, it was time to leave 5 months ago, and nothing really changed that, I'd just gotten sucked back in when I came back for something specific.</div>
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And now I'm in Portland. Currently listening to an <a href="http://showandtellgallery.org/?page_id=4687">open mic at the 3 Friends Coffee House</a>, which is actually quite enjoyable. I've never really attended open mic events much, though I've heard about them, and they always sounded like a good idea.</div>
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It's a mixture of spoken word and music... and, this being the Pacific Northwest, it's progressive and interesting.</div>
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I think I might well be back; this appears to be a weekly thing. Who knows, maybe I'll prepare something for spoken word next week???? We'll see. Maybe the week after that. ;)</div>
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Anyway, I miss my friends in Seattle, and I'm also glad to have gotten going again. I think I was stuck there. Glad I broke free.</div>
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The train ride was fun. I ended up sitting across from someone who used turned out to have been my upstairs neighbor for a few years, though I don't think we'd ever met. It may be a small world... but there's a lot more of it for me to see.</div>
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(P.S. Check out the moon. The moonrise was lovely... it's higher up by now, though.)</div>lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-74105058456216740712011-12-05T17:51:00.001-08:002011-12-05T17:51:31.543-08:00One dollar bills...It's weird being back in the states... For a number of reasons, but the one I just noticed: a $3 slice of pizza, paid for with a $5 bill, got me back two $1 bills. In Europe, a €3 item, paid for with a €5 note, would have gotten me back a €2 coin.<br />
<br />
We have $1 coins here, of course... But hardly anybody uses them. There, €1 and €2 coins are totally normal, though... Well, and basically necessary, as there is no €1 or €2 note. Not that any of this is news to any of you that have travelled there or otherwise paid attention to the currency... But that's not really the point. The point is that I'm back in the states... And it feels kind of strange, somehow. Granted, I'm still on the East Coast. Maybe West Coast will feel more familiar?? We shall see. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-37228446653399512522011-11-23T23:06:00.001-08:002011-11-23T23:06:34.912-08:00Thanks Giving...It's Thursday, the 24th of November, 2011, here in Berlin. Back in the United States, where I come from, that means it's Thanksgiving Day. And so, I thought I would write a little post, expressing some thanks.<br />
<br />
Of the first priority, I think, is to thank all the <a href="http://www.couchsurfing.org/">CouchSurfers</a> (and a few others) who have opened their homes to me over the past 3 months or so. I've stayed in Seattle, 4 of the 5 Burroughs of New York City, a couple places in Massachusetts, and at least a half dozen neighborhoods (and more places) in Berlin. And I look forward to many more locales, hopefully all over the world, in the future. Not a cent (in USD or EUR) have I spent on housing costs with any of these generous individuals (and in some cases families, or other multi-individual households) -- I can only hope that I've given them each something intangible which has rewarded their generosity... Because without it, I might already be out of money and... Well, I don't know what I'd be doing then.<br />
<br />
Next, I'll turn my attention to someone for whom this particular day is a meaningful one. I've been thinking for days, maybe weeks, of writing her an email this day: it was our anniversary. But it *was* our anniversary. Or rather, it is the anniversary of the beginning of the relationship that has since ended. And we're nearing the anniversary of the ending, even... So it's kind of a past tense thing. Yet still, I feel compelled to express my thanks to that wonderful individual. For many things... From the fact that it is she who has given me the bag that I carry with me every day, with all my daily essentials. Or that it is she who gave me so much support for so long. It is she who I think so often of, when seeing certain things upon my travels. She that... She that someday I'll be able to let go of, but who has been patient with my lack of ability to do so, so far. There are many other things I could thank her for. That I do thank her for, silently, when I'm reminded of them. So Laura, if you still read this blog (or somehow ever do read this entry): Thank you. For everything. And for, I hope, appreciating and understanding my choice to say this here, rather than writing to you directly.<br />
<br />
Following that, I think I must turn next to Miriam, who has also housed me in the past couple months - for a while in New York, and also even a few days in Berlin, when she came to visit me here. I thank her for those things, but also I must thank her for tolerating things like the above... Tolerating my continued feelings for another, my expressions thereof, etc. And of course that's not all. I also thank her for another daily item that I also wear: a lovely crocheted scarf. It's been pretty cold in Berlin lately, and it has been most appreciated. And... Well, I thank her, too, for many things, which I shan't trouble this blog post with. I still talk to her daily, so I'll let her know directly.<br />
<br />
Moving on, I'd next like to thank those of you who still follow me on <a href="http://www.plurk.com/">Plurk</a>,and especially those who still reply now and again to my posts. I somehow seem to have driven a number of folks away in that forum, and so I'm especially thankful to those who have stayed with me there.<br />
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Less a part of my current daily experience, but perhaps even more important, I thank those of you have stood by me in the physical world... Visiting me during my stay in the hospital, visiting me at my home (back when I had one), joining me for Lunch or whatever, calling me to get together, or answering my calls when I initiated them. I have more friends out there than it's sometimes easy for me to remember... But at times I surely do, so if you're one of them, I hope you'll forgive my leaving your name out of the thanks, and just know that there's a very good chance that I've actually thought of you in particular when writing this paragraph.<br />
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There are many others, as well. Some of them nameless, even to me. Others whose names are known well to me, and to whom I have specific reasons to thank, but not the words right now to do so. And still others, in between. <br />
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Finally, though, I thank everyone who takes the time to read this post. For no matter how many others I do or don't take the time to thank, if it weren't for *you*, right now, reading this post... Well... There just wouldn't be any use in having written this, would there? Because while part of me might be writing it for myself... A very real part of me is writing it to be heard. And you, dear reader, have just heard me. And for that, I thank you. <br />
<br />
lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-31926448973413624192011-11-23T22:59:00.001-08:002011-11-23T22:59:09.848-08:00Foxes in Berlin?I just saw a fox, crossing the street... On the U7 replacement bus (construction...) between Möckenbrücke und Mehringdamm. Wow. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-91779407288915499982011-11-10T05:11:00.001-08:002011-11-10T06:16:16.794-08:002012: a year without money?I predict that in our not too distant future, it *may* transpire that *all* current monetary systems will collapse. Or at least the "Western" ones that I know anything about. This is not to say that idea of money itself will collapse; I don't foresee that as being very likely, though I do imagine some backlash that might make it seem that way for a while.<br />
<br />
My point, though, is not to predict what will or will not happen. And for now, I'm going to dodge the obvious question of why I've come to believe what surely sounds to many like a very bold claim (even if I do couch it in the parlance of possibility, rather than certainty). Perhaps I'll get back to that question some day. For now, though, my point in stating the prediction above is merely to give context to (edit: though perhaps it's worth noting that that's not my only reason for considering) what I'm thinking of doing about it:<br />
<br />
I think it might be interesting to try to live all of 2012 (and beyond?) without directly using any money. At all. I would instead survive on a combination of gifts, exchanges of time, effort and energy, etc. I don't know if I could really pull this off. I don't even know yet if I'm going to even try. It's just an idea I have, that's percolating.<br />
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If people have thoughts about it, I'd love to hear them. Leave a comment, or contact me by whatever other means you have at your disposal.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-40423647707022358722011-11-09T18:07:00.001-08:002011-11-09T18:07:18.302-08:00Two small glimpses of minor celebrity...Tonight (technically last, I suppose, but I'm still out), I had two small glimpses of fame. Or not really fame; that's probably too strong a word, but minor celebrity, in some form or other.<br />
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The first form was someone getting onto the U-Bahn in Berlin that I recognized... from his role in one of my favorite movies, a movie that actually played some role in inspiring me to choose Berlin as a destination: Lola Rennt (or Run Lola Run, as it's called back in the states). Well, at least I'm pretty sure it was him.<br />
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The second brush was of a quite different sort. It seems that I'm still occasionally recognized by Berliners as the guy "from New York" (hardly, but that is how I got introduced), who brought the Human Mic to Berlin on the 15th of October, for the Occupy Together protest that day.<br />
<br />
I suppose it could perhaps be argued that I had a 3rd brush... I technically could say that I had a short film of mine shown at an international film festival. Here's hoping I'll remember to go back and add links to this post later... Or just more details. But I'm typing this from my phone, and I'm now off the bus so this'll have to do, for now. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-10009316539165342362011-11-08T06:28:00.001-08:002011-11-08T06:28:22.339-08:00Another tidbit of sanity.Ein Kugel Eis: 1€<br />
<br />
One scoop of ice cream: 1 euro (at least at some places). But that's not the best part. The best part is that, provided you get it in a cone, the cone has no paper wrap, and they don't automatically hand you a paper napkin... So it's potentially zero waste... At least as far as what I might call "pure waste"... I'm sure there's energy "waste" for freezing, etc., but no just purposeless waste. Or waste only for advertising purposes. Or waste "just in case you might need it (the napkin).<br />
<br />
Just a little tiny step away from the "Disposability Consciousness" that I recently heard being talked about by someone named "Julia Butterfly Hill", who I intend to learn more about in the near future.lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-62952633483178667302011-10-24T10:51:00.001-07:002011-10-24T10:51:12.763-07:00What does it mean to be "thriving"?I was reminded of a certain word today... And a certain goal: thriving. What does it mean to thrive? How can one tell if one is thriving? How can one help oneself thrive? Am I thriving?<br />
<br />
I don't feel like I know the answers to any of these questions, entirely... With the possible exception of the last one... Which... Well, let's just say that today didn't feel very "thrive-ish", if you'll allow me the coinage. lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-89284360723198011652011-10-19T12:09:00.001-07:002011-10-19T12:09:16.630-07:00Sanity - mit Kein GetränkI'm out for some fast-food (though Halal! My friend Ali would be happy about that) fried chicken (I'd been talking about it earlier, teaching someone the word "drumstick", and I guess I got a craving... So when I happened to see it...), and I asked for "Menü zwei"... They rung me up, and then I remembered to add "Kein Getränk"... And they changed the total for me, reducing it by the normal price of a drink. Sanity! Sanity, I say!<br />
<br />
Back in the states, I would have had to fight to get them to not give me the cup, and they wouldn't have changed the price. At least at many places... A certain fast-food fried-chicken chain comes to mind. :)<br />
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And then they offered "brot"(sp?), which was the type of bread that I might call a pita.<br />
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Cool. <div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZ7_tPqL1owU7_P0U_UWzg52LDRZKgS7jMo8qbUYqGT5vABm8a1SketYNb3sSPTRpT-uWmfDnIU5ogJYFAFxB2KWaXbiuoYxEBxXSyzkh81At_OILjxXGYTbXiCGpkDuvGvJMLvqF_RM/s640/blogger-image--709642578.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihZ7_tPqL1owU7_P0U_UWzg52LDRZKgS7jMo8qbUYqGT5vABm8a1SketYNb3sSPTRpT-uWmfDnIU5ogJYFAFxB2KWaXbiuoYxEBxXSyzkh81At_OILjxXGYTbXiCGpkDuvGvJMLvqF_RM/s640/blogger-image--709642578.jpg" /></a></div>lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-80650314523608622302011-10-19T02:37:00.000-07:002011-10-19T02:37:40.740-07:00Hallo aus Berlin (und mehr)!Hallo!<br />
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Well, here I am in Berlin. It's now been just over a week. I figure I'm long overdue for a blog post... but internet access comes and goes when you're hopping around from place to place a lot, as I am, thanks (many thanks, really) to <a href="http://www.couchsurfing.org/">CouchSurfing</a> (CS), and my various hosts from there.<br />
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I'm having fun. It's good. It's not completely a new experience for me to be somewhere where I don't know the language, but it's something I've done very little of, and I'm rather appreciating it -- though of course, most folks here speak at least a little bit of English (more so than the amount of German I can speak, mostly). But I'm learning more and more. In fact, I just had a "tahn-dem" (tandem) language exchange meeting with someone that I met last night at a CS event for language exchange. She brought an English-language novel that she was reading (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Confession-Novel-John-Grisham/dp/0385528043/ref=nosim?tag=daveltdtmenterpr">John Grisham's The Confession</a>), and read a few paragraphs of it, asking questions as she had them, and with me giving her any significant corrections that seemed necessary.<br />
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And then she also did me the huge favor of bringing a kid's book (a book about <a href="http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Der_kleine_Eisb%C3%A4r">Der kleine Eisbär</a> -- the little polar bear), which I then tried to read. I think I did half-way OK with pronunciation (though I was definitely getting some corrections), but my understanding was pretty limited, starting out. But I wrote down some words with their translations, and perhaps I can study them between now and my next meeting with her, and I'll do a little better the next time. :)<br />
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Meanwhile, I've also participated in the <a href="http://15october.net/">15october</a> march here in Berlin, and helped bring the <a href="http://www.thenation.com/blog/163767/we-are-all-human-microphones-now">Human Mic</a>. More on that to come, when I have more chance to edit some video... Hmm, I think I'll end this post now, actually, and go work on that. So... more to come. :) Sorry, I meant to write more in this post, but it got interrupted... and now I'm interrupting back to work on video. :)<br />lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6696667550447898829.post-72880835598386206022011-10-18T15:01:00.001-07:002011-10-18T15:01:51.502-07:00Side effect of learning a new language?Is it because I'm learning German, or am I just having a flash of dysnomia? I can't thing of the normal names for the Phớ (hmm, do I have the right o?) I normally order? The menu (for a Vietnamese place I happened upon) was mostly in German, with a bit of English thrown in... And very little Vietnamese. I'm used to a Vietnamese menu... So... I kind of wanted to order that way. But I couldn't think of it. I suppose I could have ordered phớ gai, but I kind of wanted beef... And maybe tendon. :)<br />
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Few choices on the menu, here, though... I guess there's not the same acceptance/popularity of phớ in Germany? Anyway, I totally failed to order in Vietnamese. Perhaps because I couldn't really order in German. ;)<br />
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A longer post about more things is also in the works. Hopefully it'll make its way here at some point. Well, and hopefully this post will make it. I'm without WLAN (err, wifi) here at the moment. Not sure how the iPhone blogger app behaves in that case yet.<br />
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Tschüß!<br />
<br />
P.S. And a metal spoon. Weird. :)<div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5vj6PmJkUCM5-JlRKnte6zdNdIUEHAdHgy0eAB-VzLk37L_kB32xMkG-ZCKmanW7AlEMlMqdr1tQCjZBrKmFUsKnMUDH-C7Dm3uJJYh2XoWlD2zUwacinw7kui53IouWnhrJgdjNsd3c/s640/blogger-image-1405034143.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh5vj6PmJkUCM5-JlRKnte6zdNdIUEHAdHgy0eAB-VzLk37L_kB32xMkG-ZCKmanW7AlEMlMqdr1tQCjZBrKmFUsKnMUDH-C7Dm3uJJYh2XoWlD2zUwacinw7kui53IouWnhrJgdjNsd3c/s640/blogger-image-1405034143.jpg" /></a></div>lindeshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08220473720786666093noreply@blogger.com0